I woke this morning to an enormous emptiness. As i read your message, tears actually welled up and i could wept if I had allowed myself. I can see your face in front of me, each and every line, the one just under your cheekbone, on your forehead. A face that is transformed when you are happy, as I have seen you in the past few days. Last night sitting on the sofa after dinner – you were so relaxed and happy. Yesterday afternoon at lunch, languid and mellow . And your face when you are in me , with all its angularity highlighted, but your eyes tender.
You have opened yourself, your heart, mind, body, soul to me – and i can only promise to nurture and love you.
The magical gift of the intensity of the last 3 days – it was so easy, so natural to touch your body. every pore of my being was arching towards you, wanting to be touched, to be engulfed by your love and desire. But these days are only a moment in the last 18 days of discovering you as a lover, as krsna, as a man in love. however, the real magic has been this year of getting to know you, of becoming friends, of growing intimacy and trust and just the pure joy of spending time with each other so unselfconsciously. It was so easy, and so true.
My darling – this is only the beginning of our journey. I am beginning to realise that there is a reason that we were only brought together now, and not when we were young. I think this love is not the mundane love of the grihastha, not the love of youth, but actually the mature, deep love of two people who have seen life, seen love, lust, desire – who now seek the calmness, ecstasy and inspiration of the communion of souls.
Sleep well…..know that I feel you with every pore of my being.
I can remember your touch so vividly – how did this happen. I feel as though a part of me has been taken away – my half krsna. you kept saying – I’m only now understanding it. did i dream it or did you ask me to come along with you last night.
The day is almost done. I am feeling listless – still a bit tired, feeling heavy
– i awaken to such an emptiness, i don’t know what to do. i knew this weekend was going to be tough…esp since i would not hear your voice or see your words…it is your overarching presence – your bedroom voice greeting me in the morning, the day ahead pregnant with possibilities ..
kalpaean 